Hmm, Let's Begin Here

If yesterday's and my latest posts show that I'm so desperate of my life. It's true. I was depressed by a lot of things. Many things happened and I felt loneliness (which is just an impact of my exaggerating side, which is not completely true). I was a negative person, as my bf told me, and yeah it's true. I often think about this and that, well, they're not actually needed, they even wrecked my day.

Til something happened yesterday. I was told about a really touchy-real life story, about a person I hated ( not hate actually, I was jealous of her). And it made my heart cry, I don't know why it sounded so sad and also made me feel sorry that I have hated her for some stupid reasons. I was so shallow-minded. Frankly, she was the one who made someone I know so well changed in a good way. I'm thankful for that.

I'm almost seventeen right now and wondering why I still act like a 14 year old girl? haha. I really want to change. So here I am. A brand new day, a brand new me. I'm no longer a cold hearted and shallow kid anymore. I am different and want to stay like this forever :)

(Not) A Love Letter

Thankyou for this amazing one month, and of course, still keep going :p

Baik-baik ya di sana

Tenang aja, di sini bakal baik-baik aja, masih ada Castey kok yang setia nemenin hahaha

Inget janji, fokus belajar, Januari jangan lupa pulang samperin sasa. Oke?

Yang di sini gak kangen koook. Beneran. Nyehehehe boong deh.

Nah :)

i know you are. yes i know for sure. this is the reason why you always see a happy face of mine. because you are the one, and you know that.

(i should) (maybe)

(i should):
write more
tell you more stories
be more organized
ask more more more and more
stop imagining
do you more favor (you always do me much)
not leave you for a sleep without telling
spend extra time together with you guys
__________________________________________________

(maybe):
maybe this is just a dream i don't want to wake up from,
the first time i feel a real life is more than just awesome than a dream,
the one is coming

this one is real

HEY!

It's been a very long time (three weeks) since I wrote on this blog. I'm kinda miss it really. Weird, isn't it? Sometimes I wonder why people not write on theirs for weeks. And it bumped me, I had no idea what to write and I read another blogs instead and abandoned mine. Wooh pathetic me. Well maybe I should catch up with whats-with-life thingy. Here you go.

10. I smile much more than I breathe
9. Makin males pake inggris jadi indo aje ye, gue makin males les inggris. Males tidur, males makan, males semuanya
8. Tiba-tiba punya obsesi sama yang namanya Nudie Jeans dan jaket jeans
7. Jadi autis (bukan makin autis karena dulu gue gak autis)
6. Kepengin kerja. Karena gue pernah ngerasain kerja dan lumayan enak dibandingin sekolah. Dapet makan, digaji pula
5. Tetep mau jadi donatur ato apapun yang berguna buat ngebersihin sifat busuk masyarakat indo
4. Sering liat 5:55 hahaha lucu ya. Gak lucu ya? Gue udah gak peduli lagi sih. Santai
3. Akhirnya mereka jadian, uhuy. Gue ikut seneng kok :)
2. Kalo yang nomor 10 itu smile more than breathe, mungkin lebih tepat dibilang laugh more than smile
1. Situasi merumit, sampe detik ini gue bisa liat perkembangannya. Gue gak mau terlibat.

Oke itu aja. Sorry kalo untuk ke depannya gue akan lebih sering absen di blogspot. Microblogging lebih praktis sih. Bye. Salam gaul dari Sasa.

What's Yours?

Sudah lama gak buka blog. Penyebabnya? Sekolah. Ya, sekolah. Erm, bukan sekolah sih sebenernya pelajaran lebih banyak menyita waktu saya. Kalo ditanya saya suka sekolah apa enggak, jawabannya pasti saya suka banget sekolah, tanpa sekolah saya gak akan ketemu mereka-mereka yang begitu peduli sama saya. Tapi saya benci sekali sama apa yang wajib kita lakukan di sekolah. Saya membenci banyak sekali pelajaran plus beberapa guru yang mengajar. Saya capek. Saya jenuh. Saya bosan. Tiap hari cuma belajar teori tapi prakteknya nihil. Untuk apa bangun jam 05.20 pagi dikekang hampir tujuh jam. Pulang sekolah masih harus terbebani urusan ini itu yang tentunya masih berhubungan dengan tugas dan ulangan sampai larut malam. Katanya sih supaya bisa meraih cita-cita. Katanya. Tapi cita-cita saya itu dunia nyata kok, bukan dunia buku, bukan dunia tulisan, bukan sekadar teori. Cita-cita saya itu dunia nyata, gak butuh afalan, cuma butuh praktek aja. Makanya saya capek begini terus. Saya mau cepet-cepet terjun ke lapangan dan punya peranan langsung di sana.

Dan Imajinasi Itu Mulai Luntur

Maaf,
Mungkin memang salah saya terlalu banyak berharap
Salah saya mengembangkan imaji
Salah saya percaya pada mimpi

Tadinya saya kira tidak ada salahnya menunggu keajaiban datang.

Tapi ternyata itu cuma buang-buang waktu.

You are not worth the wait, but it's not your fault though.
Anyway I hate having this as my 100th post.

Wish Me Luck

Five words describe me lately:
Lonely, moody, gloomy, careless, unlucky.
Such a perfect thing to start a February

I am out of luck.
The Goddess of fortune is running away from my side.
Just like everyone else do.

I miss past times
Past is always so much better than the present.
That's why I need a time machine.

Still regret something that I should have done from June 2007.
Yeah, June 2007 was my turning point.
Now it's just too late to fix anything.

And then I'm stuck with these frustrating days.
I want to cry, but I don't.
Because I have promised to myself.
Sigh, I think I got the most complicated and unsolvable life problem.

I make my blog a rubbish bin, sorry. Wew, I don't need to apologize, I'm the owner.

This Song Reflects The Latest News Of Me

PERANGKO, SMA Santa Ursula 2010

Gue jadi sie keamanan. Seru juga, tapi capeknya itu loh gak nahan. Judulnya aja keamanan, berarti harus menertibkan (tapi saya bukan satpam, tolong dicatat!). Jam tugas dari 13.00 s/d 18.30, tugasnya: rapiin barisan, ngusirin orang yang gerombol2 ngalangin jalan, narikin orang ke aula SD, baik yang dikenal maupun tidak hahaha. Jadi keamanan gak bosen soalnya bisa skalian keliling jalan-jalan.

Tadi ada penampilan PSUMB, BACKSTAGE, MOZAIC tapi gak nonton satupun karena lagi gak kebagian jaga di aula SD. Tapi yasudahlah, suaranya kedengeran sampe ke lantai 2 kok hehehe. Lomba fotografinya bagus-bagus, disain perangko juga oke banget, pimp your bag gak ada yang gak bagus, bandnya juga asik semua, speech gak nonton. Ada GREENLITE!!! Gue fans berat Dania, Ingrid, dan Feby! you are the fascination...jengjengejeng hahahah. Terus ada talkshow dari Jaya Suprana dan Innayah Wahid, tema masih berhubungan dengan pluralitas dsb.

Ketemu Acel, rambutnya beda hahaha jadi kayak cewek banget, dan dia tetap kurus dan tinggi. Ketemu beberapa teman lama.

Perangko Sanur, SUKSES! Semoga semua jadi sadar kalo perbedaan itu menarik, bukannya jadi jurang pemisah. Top deh buat OSIS, buat semua yang terlibat, buat yang isi acara, buat NUJUMAN. Yang gak dateng nyesel boooo.

Seperti Bukan Saya

Halo lagi. Saya sedang bosan sama hidup saya, dari dulu sampai sekarang datar-datar aja. Gak ada tantangan atau sesuatu yang baru sama sekali. Enam belas tahun dijejelin hal yang sama terus kan gak seru. Belom mulai besok aja saya udah nebak apa yang akan terjadi seharian besok. Ganti kegiatan kek. Misalnya kalo saya pergi ke sekolah jangan naik mobil, nunggang kuda poni aja, gak mungkin kena macet kan? Atau pelajaran di sekolah seperti biologi, matematika, ekonomi diganti jadi pelajaran panjat-pohon-kamboja, pelajaran menghitung-jumlah-semut-merah, pelajaran menerjemahkan-bahasa-eskimo, atau pelajaran mengukir-kursi-meja-cantik. Kan seru. Berbeda. Unik. Menantang. Setiap bulan beda terus pelajarannya. Digilir tiap kelas.

Lah kalo ini? Pelajaran itu-itu doang, bangun pagi, ke sekolah gak boleh telat 2 menitpun (ini tidak lebai, terbukti kebenarannya. Saya pernah!)
Rutinitas tiap hari:
bangun pagi, ke sekolah, belajar di sekolah, ngedumel di sekolah, pulang sambil tidur di mobil, ngeles, kerja rodi, bisa ngebayangin apa yang akan terjadi besoknya akan mirip sekali dengan hari itu.
Biasanya yang berbeda palingan cuma mimpi waktu saya tidur malem. Mimpinya pinter gitu, menyesuaikan diri dengan apa yang akan terjadi esok hari. Misalnya, besok ulangan umum biologi, pernah saya mimpi kelupaan bawa buku biologi, diculik sebelum ulangan biologi dan gak dikasih susulan, atau beberapa bagian pelajaran biologi masuk ke mimpi saya. Astaga mimpi buruk lagi.

Sebenarnya ada tantangan, tapi saya terlalu takut ngambil tantangan itu. Takut terlalu nganggep serius suatu hal dan berharap terlalu banyak, giliran gak kesampean kan kecewa sendiri. Jujur, saya beberapa kali ngalamin yang itu. Kecewa sendiri, ngomel-ngomel sendiri, sakit ati sendiri. Serba sendiri, karena yang lain cukup tidak tertarik untuk peduli. Saya jadi takut, lebih suka cari aman. Tapi ternyata cari aman itu gak bikin puas, gak bikin seneng. Bikin bosen iya. Yah, intinya saya bosan hidup seperti ini, saya mau menjadi manusai baru, merasakan sesuatu yang seru. Mungkin saya harus punya modal semangat baru kali ya di tahun 2010 ini, meskipun saya tambah tua lagi tahun ini, ganyambung.

Apa Saja Ya?

It's almost the end of the year so... Mari kita bongkar semua memori kejadian apa aja yang menimpa, menghampiri, melengkapi gua taon ini. Kejadian yang memang pantas dan layak untuk diingat.

Januari

1. Ngumpulin KARYA TULIS tanggal 29 Januari
   
2. Tanggal 29 hari itu juga ada pengumuman penerimaan SMA, gua diterima hehehe nomor peserta 087 kalo gak salah (gak mungkin salah)

Februari

1. Mulai to-to itu berdatangan
2. Kayaknya itu doang, gak ada lagi yang penting

Maret

1. Gua makin cinta sama 93 haha kangen banget sama mereka kalo diinget-inget lagi.

April

1. PRA UAS atau ulangan umum tapi bahannya dari kelas 7 sampe 9 dan soalnya sadis-sadis aahaha.
2. Kita ke DUFAN satu angkatan! Semua pake baju putih hahah gapeting. Click for the specific post.
3. Tanggal 27 sampe 30 UAN

Mei

1. Ujian praktek, dan gua menjadi amat sangat pesimis bisa lulus UAN karena gua mimpi salah masukin nomor peserta waktu UAN BI hahaha.
2. Ingat musikalisasi puisi?
   
   
3. Lalu liburan Paskah harus dipake buat belajar UAS. Malesin kan? Ya makanya gua gak belajar haihaiahiha.
4. Hari terakhir belajar efektif di sekolah tanggal 20 Mei, terus kita bebas libur panjang 2 minggu padahal kelas 7 8 masih pada masuk. Hihihi enaknya jadi kelas 9. Tapi bingung juga sih, waktu itu gua ngerasa enakan masuk sekolah karena di rumah pun gak ada kerjaan. Kangen sekolah banget waktu itu.
5. Gua mulai membaca novel-novel Sitta Karina dan tergila-gila kepada Nara Hanafiah hahaha.

Juni

1. Diajak Greita main ASG wow seru banget gak bohong, meskipun lu harus jadi biru-biru besoknya.
2. Classmeeting! The most loveable activity of the year. Dan mohon diingat bahwa waktu itu gua masih kelas 9, dan betapa enaknya jadi kelas 9. Baju ungu celana hijau :)
   
3. 
4. Graduation night (20 Juni). Gua gak bisa ngomong banyak, cuma 3 kata yang bisa ngejelasin semuanya: Gua kangen banget. :')
5. Lulus dengan nem 36.25 yasudahlah ya yang penting lulus, untung mimpi gua cuman mimpi, serem kali kalo beneran.

Juli

1. Masuk SMA sanur, ya biasalah gak ada sesuatu yang lain, gitu-gitu doang. Dan jujur aja gua sama sekali gak ada semangat waktu itu.
2. ASG kedua kalinya wow! seru banget parah lebih seru dari yang pertama bahkan.
3. Berangkat COMOS. Ini baru seru haha. Kita masak loh di sana, meskipun kerjaan gua cuma jadi tukang senter ahahha
4. 

Agustus and September and October
i can't remember anything precious that happened, may be there was none.


November

1. Love comes and sits around me, i don't have any idea what exactly it wants. Love is confusing.

Desember

1. Ulangan terpadu (gua gak bisa ngerjain hampir semua essay nya hhahaihai) tapi di rapot bagus-bagus aja dan yang penting gak ada yang merah.
2. Classmeeting, gak terlalu excited karena kelas gua gak menang apa-apa.
   
3. Saya enambelas tahun. tua.

Sepertinya ini post terpanjang yang pernah gua tulis sepanjang sejarah bloging. Ah yasudahlah. Selamat tahun baru ya. Buat taon baru gua gak ada resolusi, emang gak pernah ada sih hahah.

Sixteen Years of Living

What day is today?
Tuesday?
Report day?
Birthday?

Yes, birthday! It's my birthday :) 22 12 2009 is exactly the day I am turning sixteen. So, happy sweet sixteen Sha. The downside is I am old. But I am old enough to have a boyfriend now yiiiihiiiii. Okay forget that hahaha. And in this happy day, my parents had to go to school to take my report. I am so satisfied because I have no red there ha! Aaaaand to make this day more special some of my besties make a surprise for me :) Hihihihi they are so nice. I love them and I won't wish for any better because I already have the best.

Thank you! Mj, EVelyn , Olen, Feby, Nyanya, SW, Fanie, Vina

THANKYOU is dedicated to every single person who gave me the card and cake, who wished me (sms, facebook, twitter, at school), who prayed for me, who gave presents to me, and everybody who already has the will but hasn't wish me. Hahaha I love you all. Your wishes make me feel alive and let's pray so it will happen. God bless :)

♥

Totally Random

What I am reading:

What I just discovered:

What I really really want to eat now:


Seebenernya, gua mau menulis dan memasukkan sesuatu yang lebih menarik, tapi apa ya gua juga gatau. Hari ini hari pertama libur. Bingung. Sekolah bingung, libur juga bingung.
AH yaudah lah gua mau bermalas malasan. Terus nerjain pr mat, terus ke mol cari baju sama kado buat 17annya Michelle nanti sore. Ini post yang sangat tidak mutu, gua tau.

Heaven On Earth

First, I'm looking for money to buy plane tickets. Where? Don't ask, where ever. I need vacation, you can't make me study hard all the time, can you? I ain't a robot.
Second, Hey let's talk about tomorrow, it's Saturday. I only had one out of five weeks for doing my ekskul, how pathetic. I'm gonna have Belanda and kecantikan lesson, finally. Weeks with no ekskul were so boring. They removed Saturday Schedule easily without thinking of HOW could teachers give us a proper test for the report. They didn't even get much time.
I'm just thinking. Sometimes I can be more organized than y'all. Maybe it is not sometimes but often.
The last ones, follow me on twitter. I am crazy about it right now and well yah you know what the reason is. And just want to say this: This is our country we have to protect, I don't like any kind of chauvinism.
Okay. Good night. Bye.

10 Random Facts

I'm so moody these days. Why is that?
1. I am happy because I am following William Moseley and Skandar Keynes on twitter now. I'm a new member and still learning, but deeply interested in it.
2. I am getting tired of school. Everything in it is sucks.
3. I don't know which side I am in. Everybody is confusing right now, they are busy with their own amusements.

4. I watched G.I. Joe and fell in love with Channing Tatum. He is the real hottie. Wondering if there's a second G.I Joe.

5. Everybody is in kepo condition and so am I. But I know everything and I don't think they need to know.
6. You people are boring, you should make them more attractive. Lazy not ready enough for school.
7. Nobody cares about me, well yah I don't hope either.
8. I'm alone, I feel lonely, I feel terrible when I'm listening to something I'm not supposed to hear. Just thinking I'd better if I don't know about it.
9. I am happy for you!
10. I still love will and ever.

You Are NOT Nothing

Sorry baru mulai ngeblog sekarang, yah lo pada tau lah, sekolah sudah dimulai dan akhirnya gua kembali punya kesibukan yang berguna. Capek banget, duh baru berapa hari sekolah aja gua udah ngerasa kecapean, apalagi nanti kalo ulangan sama tugas mulai merajalela, makin bengek dong gua. Dan yah sekadar info, gua sekarang menjadi anak kelas X4 haha gak sekelas sama siapa-siapa, pinter banget. Besok OH kayanya gua bakal ambil korea sama gambal.

I cried, but once I finally found out the reason. It's definetely complicated and I don't know what to do without you girls. So if you want me to stay, please don't go. Because you might be the one and only thing that makes me hold out in there. If you ask me are you okay, the answer is I am not.
Errr sebenernya gua agak curiga jangan-jangan gua beneran kena tulah. Jujur gua bingung banget. Gak ada yang positif sama sekali, gua pengen balik ke masa 2 taon lalu waktu libur kenaikan ke kelas 8. Gua mau benerin semuanya dari situ.

Man, I Am Senior Now

Hey! The holiday is almost finished in couple of days. And I'm happy of it. I don't like this holiday actually, absolutely do nothing important. My daily amusements currently: wake up in the morning, go jogging, eat, take a nap, read comic books, text some friends, do practice piano and guitar, I wait patiently for Harry Potter, G.I. Joe, and Public Enemies, watch DVD, and watch the presidential election newest updates. The last one is really amusing haha! We can see who the silliest are and they still want to be the winner. How pathetic. Please act your age, Sir and Madame! Sorry no offense, but you guys talk like little kids. Just face the facts, it's not your turn yet. Especially someone (I'm not mentioning any name).

I still cry and it can't stop, still don't know the reason. I miss going to school, I miss my superb girls, I miss gossiping and being stupid with them, I really miss someone, she is going to a different school now, maybe we'll not meet for weeks. It won't be the same without her :'''''( .....and I am missing something, probably. I am afraid of SENIOR HIGH SCHOOL. Read the bold word, feel it, which means I am getting older and older. Noooo, I want to be a teenager forever. Next year I'm going to be 17 (tua banget sih).

Picture above is my footprints when I was in Belitung. Just for your information, I finally cut my hair off! YEAH I do love this hair, will start to hate it when it's getting longer. Hehahehah.

**Please answer: Do I look like a mean girl? Or AM I a mean girl?** Sometimes I hear that on my mind.

Hello Fellas. Hello Feelings

Let's say HELLO to Michael Learns To Rock. Who doesn't know MLTR? Everybody knows them, rite? Old and young people do love them. If you never hear this band before, at least you know their song. You just don't know who sings that song. Okay, check this video out. Let it goes into your heart slowly and deeply. Listen to it. Sing it. Feel it. Love it.

Michael Learns To Rock - That's Why You Go Away (I think this is the most famous, everybody knows it)

I got beautiful words:

Paint my love you should paint my love

It's the picture of thousand sunsets
It's the freedom of a thousand doves
Baby you should paint my love

(This is my favourite lyrics from Paint My Love)

Take Me To Your Heart. Paint My Love. Breaking My Heart. That's Why You Go Away

Personally think Paint My love is better, but That's Why You Go is more popular. I only know four songs, sure they still have another well-known songs. They started playing as a band in 1988, ya know? Why 'learns to rock'? They DO play and sing rock fabulously anyway. And they are Danish. Do I have to say it again? Bring back the 80s and 90s, dude! Hard to find some good Indonesian bands these days. Too much rubbish. Sorry, but that's true.

About my life recently, don't know why I cry all the time. I'm not interested to find out. Perhaps it wasn't meant to be figured out. Impossible you will read this post but not too bad to say this here: You can come and go away easily in my life. You know what? I am trying to forget you so hard to death.

Finally

Kemarin hari terakhir kita sekolah
Hari terakhir kita perform bareng-bareng
Hari terakhir kita menyandang nama SMP
Kemarin kita udah berhasil meraih peringkat 1
Udah berhasil ngasih yang terbaik
Udah memetik hasil kerja keras selama beberapa bulan terakhir
Jangan pernah melupakan tiap saat yang kita lalui bersama dalam suka dan duka karena mungkin suatu saat nanti kita akan sangat merindukan saat-saat tersebut.

Hello. I ♥ you. I am gonna miss you. I apologize for everything. Thanks for Everything. Goodbye. And Good Luck :)